cancer.

My mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. For weeks I've felt strong, hopeful, and quite honestly a little naive to the news. But the reality is slowly starting to set in.

My mom decided months ago to follow a prompting and sign-up for an individual cancer policy through Aflac. She didn't know she had cancer. She just felt that with her age and family history, it was probably a good decision... you know, just in case. Shortly afterwards, she discovered a lump in her left breast. She's had lumps before, all of which ended up being cysts. Thankfully she was proactive and scheduled a mammogram. The mammogram has some "suspicious" areas, so a biopsy was ordered. The biopsy was conducted, and sure enough, the tissue came back as cancerous. After an MRI and analysis, it was determined that the tumor was approximately 7cm and showing aggressive signs. After meeting with many doctors and accessing her case, it was determined chemotherapy would need to begin immediately, followed by surgery, then radiation.

I finally broke down the other night. I had just hung up the phone with her and she had been crying and talking a lot about her mortality and goals she still had and things she still wanted to do. But she also talked about seeing her parents and sister again and many others who have passed on. It was such a strange conversation to have with your mother! A mother who was "healthy" and unaware just a few weeks prior. After our conversation, I kneeled by the edge of the bed and wept in prayer. I wept some more in bed, while Chase held me and talked to me. It had finally hit me. I still get choked up thinking about the dark side of cancer and losing my mother.

Since that night, however, I have felt positive. She followed a prompting. She took the initiative to get checked out. She did everything in her power to discover this and move forward. My focus has changed from the news that she has cancer, to how can I help her (and our entire family) get through this trial. How can I be a strength for her? How can I ease the pains of chemo... of losing hair... of losing the energy to do much of anything?

I think the key is simply being there when she needs me. To cry with. Laugh with. Reminisce with. Whatever it may be, I'll be there. Mom, I'm here for you. Always.